http://www.denverpost.com/news/green0226.htm




                              If airlines traded in paint

By Chuck Green
Denver Post Staff Columnist

Feb. 26 - If you have bought an airline ticket in your lifetime, and that
probably includes everyone reading the newspaper this morning, you've no
doubt been dazzled, frustrated and confused by the cost of flying.

It makes no sense.

Denver to Boston, $234. Denver to Billings, $476. Go to Memphis today,
the fare is $445. But if you wait two weeks, the same trip will cost $320.

It makes no sense.

And so it is with considerable interest that I pass on an item sent over the
Internet from someone who calls him/herself Madmardigan: If airlines sold
paint

Customer: How much is your paint?

Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends.

Customer: Depends on what?

Clerk: Actually, it depends on a number of things.

Customer: Well, what is your average price for a gallon of paint?

Clerk: Wow - that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon,
but we have 150 different prices ranging up to $200 per gallon.

Customer: What's the difference in the paint?

Clerk: There isn't any difference. It's all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of the $9 paint.

Clerk: Well, before I sell you that paint, you need to answer a few
questions. First, when do you intend to use the paint?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.

Clerk: Well, if you want to use the paint tomorrow, I can only sell you the
$200 paint.

Customer: When would I have to paint in order to get the $9 paint?

Clerk: To get the $9 paint, you would have to use it three weeks from now,
and you have to start painting on Friday and continue to paint until Sunday
night.

Customer: You've got to be kidding!

Clerk: Sir, we don't kid around here. Please wait while I check to see if we
have any $9 paint.

Customer: There's some on the shelf right there - I can see it!

Clerk: That's the same paint all right, but we can sell only a certain number
of gallons for the weekend that you want to paint. Ooops - the price just
went up to $17 a gallon.

Customer: You mean the price went up while we were talking?

Clerk: Yes, sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a
day, and since you haven't actually left the store with your paint yet, we just
decided to raise the price. Unless you want the same thing to happen again,
I suggest you get on with your purchase. How many gallons do you want?

Customer: I don't know exactly. Maybe five gallons ... no, make it six
gallons so I'm make sure I have enough.

Clerk: If you don't use all the paint, you'll be penalized.

Customer: But if I've already paid for the paint, what does it matter if I
don't use all of it?

Clerk: That's just the way it is, sir.

Customer: Well, that does it! I'm going somewhere else to buy my paint.

Clerk: Good luck, sir. All of our competitors have similar rules. You'd
better just buy your paint here, while our lowest price is still $28 a gallon.

Chuck Green's commentaries appear on Sunday, Wednesday and Friday. His
telephone is 303-820-1771; his e-mail address is cgreenpost@aol.com